over the mountains and the sea

oh my gosh, my Lord my God... what was that?

and my mind is spinning round and round. God how much you must love me. to send someone to call me from half way around the world, just to sit me down and open my bible to read your word again. just to point that firm yet gentle finger at my heart and unblind the eyes that i myself have veiled. i am so so amazed. too amazed. i'm at a loss for words.

You are amazing.
God You are so amazing.
Thank You, Lord.

and your life, my friend, is the biggest living testimony i've personally known. praise be to God on high.

but Lord here i am again. and i fear. my spirit knows i fear but the wrong things. the words of man, and not the Word of God. i fear many things that i should not. and yet the one thing i should fear, i don't.

what should i do Lord? it has always been difficult to talk to Him about my walk with You. how i feel truly about certain things because he has so many of his own opinions that he holds fast to, and i fear losing him, esp after all that's happened. i'm afraid of causing conflict. i'm afraid of letting him go if You ask me to.

and You bring to mind Abraham, who willingly gave his son as a sacrifice to You knowing that You were the one who gave to him. and Lord You spared Isaac by Your loving grace and mercy. How far have i fallen? in witholding this Lordship.

i've always called you my Lord, my Saviour. but how true has it been? Lord of what? Lord of the things that i LET you be Lord of? i'm starting to see. but my heart still trembles. what does it mean to let You be Lord over everything. over the circumstances and consequences? If You told me to let him go. would i?

i fear O Lord, the coming of such a day.

then i look back and i can only point the finger at myself for giving too much that i shouldn't have given. now i fear losing all of that which i have given. and since when did i start deluding myself into believing a lie that i knew was wrong all along? Forgive me O Lord i ask. continue to guide me in Your way i ask.

For You have been nothing but faithful. how may i be faithful to You also?

'God only puts you through what you can handle.'

'I dreamt.... and i would break out in tongues. but last night, i walked away from it.'

'what kind of love is that? sooner or later it would just become a habit.'

'read John 14:1 and Joshua 1:5'

how, Lord, how? help me.